Friday, December 30, 2005

Kesaksian Tragis

Ini ada kiriman kisah nyata dari seseorang yang tak mau disebut namanya. Kisah ini sangat menyentuh dasar hati kita sebagai manusia. Kekejaman manusia atas nama hukum dan keadilan ataupun keserakahan ternyata lebih biadab tiada ampun. Beruntunglah kita mempunyai Tuhan yang Maha pengampun. Apabila kita mengaku akan segala kesalahan kita dan bertobat tentu Dia akan mengampuni kita. Dari kisah ini saya berharap dapat menjadi refleksi kita bersama dan bisa kita ambil hikmahnya. Semoga Tuhan memberi belas kasihan dan mengampuni si gadis ini. Amin

25 tahun yang lalu.

Inikah nasib? Terlahir sebagai menantu bukan pilihan. Tapi aku dan Kania harus tetap menikah. Itu sebabnya kami ada di Kantor Catatan Sipil. Wali kami pun wali hakim. Dalam tiga puluh menit, prosesi pernikahan kami selesai. Tanpa sungkem dan tabur melati atau hidangan istimewa dan salam sejahtera dari kerabat. Tapi aku masih sangat bersyukur karena Lukman dan Naila mau hadir menjadi saksi. Umurku sudah menginjak seperempat abad dan Kania di bawahku. Cita-cita kami sederhana, ingin hidup bahagia.

22 tahun yang lalu.

Pekerjaanku tidak begitu elit tapi cukup untuk biaya makan keluargaku. Ya, keluargaku. Karena sekarang aku sudah punya momongan. Seorang putri, kunamai ia Kamila. Aku berharap ia bisa menjadi perempuan sempurna, maksudku kaya akan budi baik hingga dia tampak sempurna. Kulitnya masih merah, mungkin karena ia baru berumur seminggu. Sayang, dia tak dijenguk kakek-neneknya dan aku merasa prihatin. Aku harus bisa terima nasib kembali, orangtuaku dan orangtua Kania tak mau menerima kami. Ya sudahlah. Aku tak berhak untuk memaksa dan aku tidak membenci mereka. Aku hanya yakin, suatu saat nanti, mereka pasti akan berubah.

19 tahun yang lalu.

Kamilaku gesit dan lincah. Dia sekarang sedang senang berlari-lari, melompat-lompat atau meloncat dari meja ke kursi lalu dari kursi ke lantai kemudian berteriak "Horeee, Iya bisa terbang". Begitulah dia memanggil namanya sendiri, Iya. Kembang senyumnya selalu merekah seperti mawar di pot halaman rumah. Dan Kania tak jarang berteriak, "Iya sayaaang", jika sudah terdengar suara "Prang". Itu artinya, ada yang pecah, bisa vas bunga, gelas, piring, atau meja kaca. Terakhir cermin rias ibunya yang pecah. Waktu dia melompat dari tempat tidur ke lantai, boneka kayu yang dipegangnya terpental. Dan dia cuma bilang "Kenapa semua kaca di rumah ini selalu pecah, Ma?"

18 tahun yang lalu.

Hari ini Kamila ulang tahun. Aku sengaja pulang lebih awal dari pekerjaanku agar bisa membeli hadiah dulu. Kemarin lalu dia merengek minta dibelikan bola. Kania tak membelikannya karena tak mau anaknya jadi tomboy apalagi jadi pemain bola seperti yang sering diucapkannya. "Nanti kalau sudah besar, Iya mau jadi pemain bola !". Tapi aku tidak suka dia menangis terus minta bola, makanya kubelikan ia sebuah bola. Paling tidak aku bisa punya lawan main setiap sabtu sore. Dan seperti yang sudah kuduga, dia bersorak kegirangan waktu kutunjukkan bola itu. "Horee, Iya jadi pemain bola."

17 Tahun yang lalu.

Iya, Iya. Bapak kan sudah bilang jangan main bola di jalan. Mainnya di rumah aja. Coba kalau ia nurut, Bapak kan tidak akan seperti ini. Aku tidak tahu bagaimana Kania bisa tidak tahu Iya menyembunyikan bola di tas sekolahnya. Yang aku tahu, hari itu hari Sabtu dan aku akan menjemputnya dari sekolah. Kulihat anakku sedang asyik menendang bola sepanjang jalan pulang dari sekolah dan ia semakin ketengah jalan. Aku berlari menghampirinya, rasa khawatirku mengalahkan kehati-hatianku dan "Iyaaaa". Sebuah truk pasir telak menghantam tubuhku, lindasan ban besarnya berhenti di atas dua kakiku. Waktu aku sadar, dua kakiku sudah diamputasi. Ya Tuhan, bagaimana ini. Bayang-bayang kelam menyelimuti pikiranku, tanpa kaki, bagaimana aku bekerja sementara pekerjaanku mengantar barang dari perusahaan ke rumah konsumen. Kulihat Kania menangis sedih, bibir cuma berkata coba kalau kamu tak belikan ia bola !"

15 tahun yang lalu.

Perekonomianku morat marit setelah kecelakaan. Uang pesangon habis untuk ke rumah sakit dan uang tabungan menguap jadi asap dapur. Kania mulai banyak mengeluh dan Iya mulai banyak dibentak. Aku hanya bisa membelainya. Dan bilang kalau Mamanya sedang sakit kepala makanya cepat marah. Perabotan rumah yang bisa dijual sudah habis. Dan aku tak bisa berkata apa-apa waktu Kania hendak mencari kerja ke luar negeri. Dia ingin penghasilan yang lebih besar untuk mencukupi kebutuhan Kamila. Diizinkan atau tidak diizinkan dia akan tetap pergi. Begitu katanya. Dan akhirnya dia memang pergi ke Malaysia.

13 tahun yang lalu.

Setahun sejak kepergian Kania, keuangan rumahku sedikit membaik tapi itu hanya setahun. Setelah itu tak terdengar kabar lagi. Aku harus mempersiapkan uang untuk Kamila masuk SMP. Anakku memang pintar dia loncat satu tahun di SD-nya. Dengan segala keprihatinan kupaksakan agar Kamila bisa melanjutkan sekolah. aku bekerja serabutan, mengerjakan pekerjaan yang bisa kukerjakan dengan dua tanganku. Aku miris, menghadapi kenyataan. Menyaksikan anakku yang tumbuh remaja dan aku tahu dia ingin menikmati dunianya. Tapi keadaanku mengurungnya dalam segala kekurangan. Tapi aku harus kuat. Aku harus tabah untuk mengajari Kamila hidup tegar.

10 tahun yang lalu.

Aku sedih, semua tetangga sering mengejek kecacatanku. Dan Kamila hanya sanggup berlari ke dalam rumah lalu sembunyi di dalam kamar. Dia sering jadi bulan-bulanan hinaan teman sebayanya. Anakku cantik, seperti ibunya. "Biar cantik kalo kere ya kelaut aje". Mungkin itu kata-kata yang sering kudengar. Tapi anakku memang sabar dia tidak marah walau tak urung menangis juga.

"Sabar ya, Nak!" hiburku. "Pak, Iya pake jilbab aja ya, biar tidak diganggu! ",pintanya padaku. Dan aku menangis. Anakku maafkan bapakmu, hanya itu suara yang sanggup kupendam dalam hatiku. Sejak hari itu, anakku tak pernah lepas dari kerudungnya. Dan aku bahagia. Anakku, ternyata kamu sudah semakin dewasa. Dia selalu tersenyum padaku. Dia tidak pernah menunjukkan kekecewaannya padaku karena sekolahnya hanya terlambat di bangku SMP.

7 tahun yang lalu.

Aku merenung seharian. Ingatanku tentang Kania, istriku, kembali menemui pikiranku. Sudah bertahun-tahun tak kudengar kabarnya. Aku tak mungkin bohong pada diriku sendiri, jika aku masih menyimpan rindu untuknya. Dan itu pula yang membuat aku takut. Semalam Kamila bilang dia ingin menjadi TKI ke Malaysia. Sulit baginya mencari pekerjaan di sini yang cuma lulusan SMP. Haruskah aku melepasnya karena alasan ekonomi. Dia bilang aku sudah tua, tenagaku mulai habis dan dia ingin agar aku beristirahat. Dia berjanji akan rajin mengirimi aku uang dan menabung untuk modal. Setelah itu dia akan pulang, menemaniku kembali dan membuka usaha kecil-kecilan. Seperti waktu lalu, kali ini pun aku tak kuasa untuk menghalanginya. Aku hanya berdoa agar Kamilaku baik-baik saja.

4 tahun lalu.

Kamila tak pernah telat mengirimi aku uang. Hampir tiga tahun dia di sana. Dia bekerja sebagai seorang pelayan di rumah seorang nyonya. Tapi Kamila tidak suka dengan laki-laki yang disebutnya datuk. Matanya tak pernah siratkan sinar baik. Dia juga dikenal suka perempuan. Dan nyonya itu adalah istri mudanya yang keempat. Dia bilang dia sudah ingin pulang. Karena akhir-akhir ini dia sering diganggu. Lebaran tahun ini dia akan berhenti bekerja. Itu yang kubaca dari suratnya. Aku senang mengetahui itu dan selalu menunggu hingga masa itu tiba. Kamila bilang, aku jangan pernah lupa salat dan kalau kondisiku sedang baik usahakan untuk salat tahajjud. Tak perlu memaksakan untuk puasa sunnah yang pasti setiap bulan Ramadhan aku harus berusaha sebisa mungkin untuk kuat hingga beduk manghrib berbunyi. Kini anakku lebih pandai menasihati daripada aku. Dan aku bangga.

3 tahun 6 bulan yang lalu.

Inikah badai? Aku mendapat surat dari kepolisian pemerintahan Malaysia, kabarnya anakku ditahan. Dan dia diancam hukuman mati, karena dia terbukti membunuh suami majikannya. Sesak dadaku mendapat kabar ini. Aku menangis, aku tak percaya. Kamilaku yang lemah lembut tak mungkin membunuh. Lagipula kenapa dia harus membunuh. Aku meminta bantuan hukum dari Indonesia untuk menyelamatkan anakku dari maut. Hampir setahun aku gelisah menunggu kasus anakku selesai. Tenaga tuaku terkuras dan airmataku habis. Aku hanya bisa memohon agar anakku tidak dihukum mati andai dia memang bersalah.

2 tahun 6 bulan yang lalu.

Akhirnya putusan itu jatuh juga, anakku terbukti bersalah. Dan dia harus menjalani hukuman gantung sebagai balasannya. Aku tidak bisa apa-apa selain menangis sejadinya. Andai aku tak izinkan dia pergi apakah nasibnya tak akan seburuk ini? Andai aku tak belikan ia bola apakah keadaanku pasti lebih baik? Aku kini benar-benar sendiri. Wahai Allah kuatkan aku. Atas permintaan anakku aku dijemput terbang ke Malaysia. Anakku ingin aku ada di sisinya disaat terakhirnya. Lihatlah, dia kurus sekali. Dua matanya sembab dan bengkak. Ingin rasanya aku berlari tapi apa daya kakiku tak ada. Aku masuk ke dalam ruangan pertemuan itu, dia berhambur ke arahku, memelukku erat, seakan tak ingin melepaskan aku.

"Bapak, Iya Takut!" aku memeluknya lebih erat lagi. Andai bisa ditukar, aku ingin menggantikannya. "Kenapa, Ya, kenapa kamu membunuhnya sayang?". "Lelaki tua itu ingin Iya tidur dengannya, Pak. Iya tidak mau. Iya dipukulnya. Iya takut, Iya dorong dan dia jatuh dari jendela kamar. Dan dia mati. Iya tidak salah kan, Pak !". Aku perih mendengar itu. Aku iba dengan nasib anakku. Masa mudanya hilang begitu saja. Tapi aku bisa apa, istri keempat lelaki tua itu menuntut agar anakku dihukum mati. Dia kaya dan lelaki itu juga orang terhormat. Aku sudah berusaha untuk memohon keringanan bagi anakku, tapi menemuiku pun ia tidak mau. Sia-sia aku tinggal di Malaysia selama enam bulan untuk memohon pengampunan hukuman pada wanita itu.

2 tahun yang lalu.

Hari ini, anakku akan dihukum gantung. Dan wanita itu akan hadir melihatnya. Aku mendengar dari petugas jika dia sudah datang dan ada di belakangku. Tapi aku tak ingin melihatnya. Aku melihat isyarat tangan dari hakim di sana. Petugas itu membuka papan yang diinjak anakku. Dan 'blass" Kamilaku kini tergantung. Aku tak bisa lagi menangis. Setelah yakin sudah mati, jenazah anakku diturunkan mereka, aku mendengar langkah kaki menuju jenazah anakku. Dia menyibak kain penutupnya dan tersenyum sinis. Aku mendongakkan kepalaku, dan dengan mataku yang samar oleh air mata aku melihat garis wajah yang kukenal.

"Kania?"

"Mas Har, kau!"

"Kau ... kau bunuh anakmu sendiri, Kania!"

"Iya? Dia..dia .. Iya?", serunya getir menunjuk jenazah anakku.

"Ya, dia Iya kita. Iya yang ingin jadi pemain bola jika sudah besar"

"Tidak ... tidaaak ... " Kania berlari ke arah jenazah anakku. Diguncang tubuh kaku itu sambil menjerit histeris. Seorang petugas menghampiri Kania dan memberikan secarik kertas yang tergenggam di tangannya waktu dia diturunkan dari tiang gantungan. Bunyinya "Terima kasih Mama". Aku baru sadar, kalau dari dulu Kamila sudah tahu wanita itu ibunya.

Setahun lalu.

Sejak saat itu istriku gila. Tapi apakah dia masih istriku. Yang aku tahu, aku belum pernah menceraikannya. Terakhir kudengar kabarnya dia mati bunuh diri. Dia ingin dikuburkan di samping kuburan anakku, Kamila. Kata pembantu yang mengantarkan jenazahnya padaku, dia sering berteriak, "Iya sayaaang, apalagi yang pecah, Nak". Kamu tahu Kania, kali ini yang pecah adalah hatiku. Mungkin orang tua kita memang benar, tak seharusnya kita menikah. Agar tak ada kesengsaraan untuk Kamila anak kita. Benarkah begitu Iya sayang?

Sumber : TRUE STORY

Sunday, December 25, 2005

My Brother


Herryalmas. We call him Eri. He was born on Christmas day 25th of December. In a way the whole world celebrating his birthday J. He’s the tallest one in my family. He has a kind heart but a little bit emotional. It’s easy for him to become angry or being upset. But I think after getting married and have a handsome son he becomes calmer.

He’s working in a cruise. I haven’t seen him for long time and now on his birthday I feel longing for him. We’re very close. He always tells me everything and comes to me if he has a problem. I’m sure he feels lonely right now especially on his birthday. Far away from people he loved dearly. I know exactly how he feels coz I’m no different with him. Live away from my beloved country but at least I have a loving husband and my two sweet daughters with me.

Happy birthday dear bro. Even you’re not around you will always on our mind and heart. Be patient and be strong. Time will fly fast and soon you’ll be home.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Wedding Anniversary

Today is the 3rd anniversary of my marriage, something that I considered as one of many important days in my life. I wanted to make this day special because today 3 years ago I started my new life as somebody’s wife. I made a nice dinner and a simple cheese cake to celebrate it. But nothing special happened since my husband didn’t remember that today is our wedding anniversary. I thought he would have noticed it when I said that I will make a cake today since I don’t make it often. I’m not good in making a cake anyway. Only after I gave him a letter about my feeling and congratulated our wedding anniversary he realized it. He said unlike women men don’t remember such thing. Is it true or he just making an excuse of his neglecting and ignorant? Should I feel sad? At least he said thank you and later at night he said he loves me and that I’m a good mother to our daughters. I just hope next year he will remember my birthday and our wedding anniversary and surpise me with something that I never experience before.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Why ???

Why people have a secret? Is it necessary? Why people lie? Because they want to hide the truth or because they embarrase of what they have done. Why they embarrase? It’s because they have done something stupid. Why they do that? It’s because they have no brain or because they have no faith or iman. It’s just as simple as that.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Funny Pictures



What do you think of those pictures ?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

"Dad, read it out loud, please ..."

One evening Budi, a successful executive, was busy as usual with the paper works he brought home from office, coz there will be a very important general meeting with the shareholders the next morning. When he was reading through those office documents, his daughter Jessica came closer, stood right beside him, holding a new storybook.
The cover of the book was a cute little angel, which attracted Jessica’s attention. “Dad, look!” Jessica was trying to attract her dad’s attention. Budi glanced over his glasses and looked at her. The sentence came out was only “Wow, a new book, Jessica?”

“Yes, daddy” Jessica said cheerfully. “Read it for me, please,“ asked Jessica softly.
”I’m very busy right now,” said Budi quickly. Then he turned back his attention to the papers in front of him. Jessica stood silently but she didn’t give up. With soft and whining voice she said again “Dad, mom said, you must read for me.”
Budi started to feel irritated, “Jessica, daddy is very busy now, ask your mom to read it, okay?”
“But mom is always busy. Look dad, the pictures are cute.”

“Next time Jessica. Go away! Daddy has many things to do!” Budi tried to concentrate his attention to those papers works. Minutes passed, Jessica took a deep breath and remained still where she was standing with hope, and then she started again.
“Dad .., the pictures are nice. You must be like it.”
“Jessica, daddy said, next time!!” Budi scolded her.

This time Budi succeeded in making the spirit of little Jessica gone. Almost crying, with tears in her eyes, she walked away. “Yes dad, next time.” Before going she came closer to her daddy and while touching his hands gently, she put the story book in her dad’s lap. “Dad, if you have time, read it out loud please, so I can hear it.”

Day by day passed, and two weeks had already gone, but still he didn’t fulfil the request from little Jessica. The story book of a cute angel, he never got around to read for her. Until one afternoon there was a very hard noise “Bang ..!!”

A few neighbours hysterically informing him that little Jessica had an accident. A drunken man driving his car at a high speed crashed into her in front of the house. Jessica’s body was thrown a few meters. The ambulance came as soon as possible. On the way to the hospital, little Jessica said in a whisper “I’m afraid daddy, I’m afraid mommy, Jessi loves mom and dad.” Blood kept coming out from her mouth and she died when they arrived at the hospital.

What had happened that day really shocked Budi’s heart. No time anymore to fulfil the promise. What was left now is only regret. He couldn’t fulfil a very simple request from his sweetheart. Still fresh in his memory, his daughter’s little hand, begging him to read a story for her. That touch feels so meaningful now, “ … dad, read it out loud please, so Jessica can hear it …” he could still hear what Jessica has said in his mind.

One afternoon, again left with only the silence of his heart. He will never again hear the laughing of little Jessica. Budi started to open the storybook of a cute angel which he took from a bunch of Jessica’s toys in the corner of her room. The book was not new anymore. Its cover was torn away. Some unmeaning writing decorated the pages like a sweet memories from little Jessica. Budi strengthen his heart, with tears in his eyes he opened the first page and read it out loud. He tried hard to read it loud. He kept reading it loud, page by page, with tears rolling down his cheek. “Jessica, listen, daddy is reading it for you …”

After reading a few more words, he begged again, ”Jessica, please forgive daddy. Daddy loves you …” As if every word in the book cut into his heart. The pain in his hart was unbearable, Budi kneeled and cried . . . begged for one more chance to learn how to love.
Original Title : "Papa, baca yang keras ya..." (Suara Merdeka Cyber News)
Translated by : Tablaa

Friday, December 02, 2005

Files

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in a room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “People I Have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalogue system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory could not match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories, other a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I Have Betrayed.” The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. “Books I Have Read,” “Lies I Have Told,” “Comfort I Have Given,” “Jokes I Have Laughed At.”

Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I’ve Yelled at My Brothers.”

Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I Have Done in My Anger,” “Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.” I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 30 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked “Songs I Have Listened To,” I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked “Lustful Thoughts,” I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!”

In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.

The title bore “People that I Have Taught about Allah”. The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sob so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the over-whelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room.

I must lock it up and hide the key.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Bella's Birthday

My first daughter Bella is 2 years old now. I held a small party for her second birthday yesterday, 25th of November. Not many people I invited only my parents in law and my close friend with their children. I made tongseng, fried noodle with shrimp meat ball, salad and martabak telor. I didn’t make birthday cake coz I don’t know how to make it L. But luckily my mother in law brought a world’s best cake and Bella liked it. To be honest, I don’t really like eating cake but this cake I must say is very delicious. I ate it a lot. Anyway, the party was successful and everybody said that my cooking was good. All of the tiredness I felt the whole day in preparing everything for this party is gone. I feel satisfied and happy but the most important is my daughter’s happiness. She was very happy last night. She got many nice gifts and had lots of kisses. She danced and laughing cheerfully until the guests left.

These are the gifts

With grandma and grandpa


Having fun with bigger friends

Sunday, November 13, 2005

The Miser and the Angel of Death

A miser had accumulated, by effort, trade and lending, three hundred thousand dinars. He had lands and buildings, and all kinds of wealth.
He then decided that he would spend a year in enjoyment, living comfortably, and then decided as to what his future should be.
But, almost as soon as he had stopped amassing money, the Angel of Death appeared before him, to take his life away.
The miser tried, by every argument which he could muster, to dissuade the Angel, who seemed, however, adamant. Then the man said:
‘Grant me but three more days, and I will give you one-third of my possessions.’
The Angel refused, and pulled again at the miser’s life, tugging to take it away.
Then the man said:
‘If you will only allow me two more days on earth, I will give you two hundred thousand dinars from my store.’
But the Angel would not listen to him. And the Angel even refused to give the man a solitary extra day for all his three thousand pieces.
Then the miser said:
‘Please, then, give me just time enough to write one little thing down.’
This time the Angel allowed him this single concession, and the man wrote, with his own blood:
‘Man, make use of your life. I could buy not one hour for three hundred thousand dinars. Make sure that you realize the value of your time.’

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

My Daughters

My first daughter, Bella 23 months. The second one, Brenda 4 months.

smiling

half smiling

love little sister

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Far More Precious Than Diamonds And Pearls

The following incident took place when Muhammad Ali's daughters arrived at his home wearing clothes that were not modest. Here is the story as told by one of his daughters:
When we finally arrived, the chauffer escorted my younger sister, Laila, and me up to my father's suite. As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. We exchanged many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day.
My father took a good look at us. Then he sat me down on his lap and said something that I will never forget. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You've got to work hard to get to them."
He looked at me with serious eyes. "Your body is sacred. You're far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too."

Friday, October 21, 2005

Dinner

After been married for almost 3 years, yesterday for the first time I had gut to invite my parents in law for dinner. Perhaps you’re wondering why it takes so long for me to do that. It’s because the situation at that time was impossible for me. It’s a long story. But sometimes I invited them for tea or coffee with some cakes.

Back to dinner, to be honest I was very nervous. I was afraid they don’t like my cooking. Besides it’s Ramadhan and I was fasting so I could only taste the food when it’s time to breakfasting. I made chicken soup (soto ayam kuning) with martabak telor. Two hours before dinner I had started to cook. I was very busy and luckily my daughters were very nice that day and not being naughty at all.

Finally they came and dinner was ready. We sat down at the table and started to eat. I couldn’t eat until they gave a comment about my cooking. To my surprise they said my cooking was very good. I was so relieved and started to eat. Before they left my house my father in law said that I should invite them again next week and of course I said I will. That was a nice dinner and my daughter ate more than usual. However, I still think that I’m not a good cook though I can do pretty well when I’m in the mood.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Worth Telling Today

Got an email from a good friend of mine when we still working at this company. She told me that she’s getting divorce. I was shocked that I just staring at my portable PC, completely blank. I was very sad since I know her very well. We shared with each other the story of our love life. We cried together when we got broken heart. It made me sadder coz she responded to my good news about the birth of my second child -- which I had sent more than two months ago -- with this sad news. It wasn’t my marriage but for somehow I felt sad too. She’s a good person and a good muslim as well. Luckily she has no children yet. Since the one who will suffer from a divorce are always the children. Sometimes I wonder why bad things very often happen to good people. But one thing I know for sure that on no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear. I think every single thing that happen in this world has a purpose. We just don’t know yet. Well I hope she’ll be strong in facing this misfortune. And I do pray Allah it will never happen to me.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Kisah Sepotong Kue

Seorang wanita sedang menunggu di bandara suatu malam. Masih ada beberapa jam sebelum jadual terbangnya tiba. Untuk membuang waktu ia membeli buku dan sekantong kue di toko bandara, lalu mencari tempat untuk duduk. Sambil duduk wanita itu membaca buku yang baru saja dibelinya. Dalam keasyikannya ia melihat lelaki di sebelahnya dengan begitu berani mengambil satu atau dua dari kue yang berada di antara mereka. Wanita tersebut mencoba mengabaikan agar tidak terjadi keributan. Ia terus membaca, mengunyah kue dan melihat jam. Sementara si Pencuri Kue yang pemberani menghabiskan persediaannya. Ia semakin kesal sementara menit menit berlalu.

Wanita itupun sempat berpikir: ”Kalau aku bukan orang baik sudah kutonjok dia!”. Setiap dia mengambil satu kue si lelaki juga mengambil satu. Ketika hanya satu kue tersisa, ia bertanya-tanya apa yang akan dilakukan lelaki itu. Dengan senyum tawa di wajahnya dan tawa gugup, si lelaki mengambil kue terakhir dan membaginya dua. Si lelaki menawarkan separo miliknya sementara ia makan yang separonya lagi. Si wanita pun merebut kue itu dan berpikir: ”Ya ampun orang ini berani sekali, dan ia juga kasar malah ia tidak kelihatan berterima kasih”. Belum pernah rasanya ia begitu kesal. Ia menghela napas lega saat penerbangannya diumumkan.

Ia mengumpulkan barang miliknya dan menuju pintu gerbang. Menolak untuk menoleh pada si ”Pencuri tak tahu terima kasih”. Ia naik pesawat dan duduk di kursinya, lalu mencari bukunya yang hampir selesai dibacanya. Saat ia merogoh tasnya, ia menahan napas dengan kaget. Disitu ada kantong kuenya, di depan matanya !!!. Kok milikku ada disini erangnya dengan patah hati. Jadi kue tadi adalah milik lelaki itu dan ia mencoba berbagi. Terlambat untuk minta maaf, ia tersandar sedih. Bahwa sesungguhnya dialah yang kasar, tak tahu terima kasih. Dan dialah Pencuri Kue itu !

Dalam hidup ini kisah pencuri kue seperti tadi sering terjadi. Kita sering berprasangka dan melihat orang lain dengan kacamata kita sendiri serta tak jarang kita berprasangka buruk terhadapnya.

Orang lainlah yang selalu salah
Orang lainlah yang patut disingkirkan
Orang lainlah yang tak tahu diri
Orang lainlah yang berdosa
Orang lainlah yang selalu bikin masalah
Orang lainlah yang pantas diberi pelajaran

Padahal

Kita sendiri yang mencuri kue tadi
Kita sendiri yang tidak tahu terima kasih

Kita sering mempengaruhi, mengomentari, mencemooh pendapat atau penilaian atau gagasan orang lain. Sementara sebetulnya kita tidak tahu betul permasalahannya.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Marhaban Ya Ramadhan

tiada kata seindah zikir
tiada bulan seindah Ramadhan
ijinkan kedua tangan bersimpuh maaf
untuk lisan yang tak terjaga
janji yang terabaikan
hati yang berprasangka
dan sikap yang pernah menyakitkan

Maaf lahir dan bathin
Selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

2 Choices

A good friend of mine send me the story below which I found very interesting that we can learn something from it.

Jerry is the manager of a restaurant. He is always in a good mood. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs, so they could follow him around from restaurant to restaurant. Why ?

Because Jerry was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was always there, telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood. I always choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life."

"But it's not always that easy,“ I protested.

"Yes it is," Jerry said. Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk every situation is a choice.

You choose how you react to situations.
You choose how people will affect your mood.
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.
It's your choice how you live your life."

Several years later, I heard that Jerry accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business. He left the back door of his restaurant open. And then ???

In the morning, he was robbed by three armed men. They want?
#123*+!@$%&*~

While Jerry trying to open the safe box, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found quickly and rushed to the hospital.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.… I saw Jerry about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Want to see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared“ I asked?

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the Emergency Room and I saw the expression on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'He's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything." 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead'.

"Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.

I learned from him that every day you have the choice to either enjoy your life or to hate it. The only thing that is truly yours -- that no one can control or take from you -- is your attitude. So if you can take care of that, everything else in life becomes much easier.

Now you have two choices to make:
1. You can ignore this story or
2. You can share it to someone you care about.

I hope you will choose #2. I did.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Again he disappointed me ...

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Sudoku

There's a games in internet that I love to play. It's called Sudoku. It is a very interesting and challenging games coz you must use your brain to play it. So for people who likes to think this games is for you. Have fun.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Ibu

There’s one movie that always makes me want to cry every time I remember it. The title is ‘Who Will Love My Children’. It’s about a mother with four children who’s dying due to a cancer she had. So she tried to give away her children one by one to a family who wants to adopt them before she left this world. Actually she wanted her four children being adopted by one family but of course it’s difficult to find a family who wanted to adopt four children at once. It’s very sad to see her walking from one house to another house asking if that family wanted to take her child. Some people refused by saying that they can’t afford to raise a child while from the house they have we can see that the owner of that house is a rich people. Some others just closed the door without even let her finished telling them why she wanted to give away her child. The saddest scene in this movie was when she walked in the rain shivering while holding her youngest child tight.

From this movie we can learn how big the love of a mother to her children. How she struggled between life and death in delivering her babies into the world. How she spent much energy to look after and raise them. She will do anything to make her children happy. But sometimes children do not realize that. They don’t respect her. Ah .. ibu, I miss you so much. I want to hold her and tell her how grateful I am for making me what I am now. She taught me how to behave, she taught me how to cook, and the most is she taught me about Islam and how to be a good muslimah. May Allah bless her in this world and hereafter
.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Capek ... Capek ...


Aduh biyung capek banget aku hari ini. Jam 5 subuh Bella putriku yang pertama udah teriak2 manggil mamma ... mamma ... padahal aku masih ngantuk berat. Daripada teriakannya bangunin Brenda putri keduaku yang baru 2.5 bulan, terpaksa deh aku bangun. Biasanya tiap bangun pagi dia langsung duduk di kursi malas sambil meluk boneka Teddy trus nunjuk remote control minta disetel TV nya.

Aku udah hapal banget ama ritualnya dia. Program TV kegemarannya film kartun anak2, hewan dan musik. Eh, walaupun baru 21 bulan Bella udah punya favorit lo. Dia suka banget ama Eminem dan musik lokal sini yang saking seringnya diputar, ampe ada yang protes di koran. Pusing katanya dengerin lagu itu mulu. Biasanya buat sarapan aku bikinin roti pake selai madu atau cereal. Atau kalau dia gak mau dua2nya aku bikinin lappe atau pancake. Dia bosenan soalnya. Jadi musti ganti2. Tapi hari ini tumben dia nolak semua yang aku sodorin. Aku marahin, dia tetep gak mau makan. Ya udah aku biarin aja dia duduk sendiri sambil nonton TV. Mungkin belum lapar. Berhubung gak bisa tidur lagi ya udah aku bikin sarapan untuk diriku sendiri. Suami sih belum bangun jam segini. Baru satu suap eh .. Brenda nangis.
Aku buru2 bikin susu. Air susuku dikit banget jadi musti tambah susu botol. Susunya abis dia tetep nangis. Aku coba susuin gak mau. Aku ganti popoknya masih nangis juga. Ya udah, akhirnya aku gendong bawa keluar. Sambil gendong Brenda aku harus ngikutin Bella kemana dia pergi karena dia suka mainin stop kontak atau nyalain kompor listrik. Bahaya kan kalo gak diawasin. Bisa2 kesetrum dia. Gak lama kemudian suamiku bangun. Dan Brenda nangis lagi pas aku tarok di box nya. Aku biarin aja karena aku harus bikinin sarapan buat doi. Pokoknya seharian itu dua2nya gak mau tidur. Bella maunya main terus dan Brenda maunya di gendong mulu. Jadi supaya bisa ngerjain housework ya aku terpaksa tarok Bella di kamarnya dan Brenda di box. Dan of course dua2nya menjerit protes. Setelah selesai baru aku keluarin Bella dari kamarnya dan gendong Brenda lagi. Jam 2 siang baru mereka tidur. Aku bisa sedikit istirahat tapi itu juga gak lama. Belum sejam Brenda udah nangis lagi. Untunglah akhirnya suamiku pulang. Dia gendong Brenda dan aku bukannya istirahat tapi masak buat makan malam. Dan Bella hari ini bener2 nakal. Dia bolak balik ke dapur minta ini dan itu. Makan malam terpaksa gantian. Suamiku makan malam duluan dan aku gendong Brenda sambil ngawasin Bella. Akhirnya jam 11 malam baru mereka benar2 tertidur. Hah ... what a day. Like my friend said, “being a housewife is a full time job”. And she’s absolutely right.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Friendship

Two weeks ago one of some good friends of mine went back to Paris after living here for 3 years. The day when she left I didn’t feel anything just a bit sad. But now suddenly I feel kind of missing her. She’s a good person. She had invited me many times for makan-makan. She’s a good cook. She can cook many kinds of food. And my favourites are sayur asem and bakso. So even though I live so far away from Indonesia, thanks to her, I still can taste how delicious sayur asem and bakso are. She can also make bakso tahu. Hmmm …. make me hungry. So actually I don't miss her but her cooking, he he … just kidding.

She always has something to tell me every time we met. Good news or bad news or just some silly jokes. The environment will be more alive when she’s around. She’s a caring person. I do miss our togetherness. You see, friendship is like wine. It gets better as it grows older.

So Eka, if you by any chance read my blog, this posting is for you. Till we meet again.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Funny how quickly life can change, how we rise and fall through so many snakes and ladders to fulfil our dreams and desires. But we get there in the end ...

Saturday, September 10, 2005

I think the key to have a perfectly good marriage is simply good communication. Being honest and saying exactly what you feel. The moment you start withholding things and burying them beneath the surface, it creates a wall between you that gets bigger every day, until one day you realise you can't see over the top.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Exciting


My daughter can jump for the first time today. She was so happy and excited. She kept jumping and jumping and sometimes she lost her balance and fell down. But she didn’t cry and continued jumping. It is a great pleasure to watch her growing. I find it so exciting and enjoying every time she’s able to do something new. I was there when she can lie on her stomach. I was there when she can sit, crawl, stand and then walk. I was there when she got her first tooth. Then the second, the third, etc. And I promise to myself that I will always be there in every precious moment of her life.

Deep Thinking

Have you ever thought about the fact that you did not exist before you were conceived and then born into the world and that you have come into existence from mere nothingness?

Have you ever thought about how the flowers you see in your living room everyday come out of pitch black, muddy soil with fragrant smells and are as colourful as they are?

Have you ever thought about how mosquitoes, which irritatingly fly around you, move their wings so fast that we are unable to see them?

Have you ever thought about how the peels of fruits such as bananas, watermelons, melons and oranges serve as wrappings of high quality, and how the fruits are packed in these wrappings so that they maintain their taste and fragrance?

Have you ever thought about the possibility that while you are asleep a sudden earthquake could raze your home, your office, and your city to the ground and that in a few seconds you could lose everything of the world you possess?

Have you ever thought of how your life passes away very quickly, and that you will grow old and become weak, and slowly lose your beauty, health and strength?

Have you ever thought about how one day you will find the angels of death appointed by God before you and that you will then leave this world?

Well, have you ever thought about why people are so attached to a world from which they will soon depart when what they basically need is to strive for the hereafter?

Man is a being whom God furnishes with the faculty of thought. Yet, most people do not use this very important faculty as they should. In fact, some people almost never think.

In truth, each person possesses a capacity for thought of which even he himself is unaware. Once man begins to use this capacity, facts he has not been able to realise until that very moment begin to be uncovered for him. The deeper he goes in reflection, the more his capacity to think improves and this is possible for everyone. One just has to realise that one needs to reflect and then to strive hard.

Someone who does not think will remain totally distant from truths and lead his life in self-deception and error. As a result, he will not grasp the purpose of the creation of the world, and the reason for his existence on the earth. Yet, God has created everything with a purpose. This fact is stated in the Qur'an as follows:

We did not create the heavens and the earth and everything between them as a game. We did not create them except with truth but most of them do not know it. (Surat ad-Dukhan: 38-39) Did you suppose that We created you for amusement and that you would not return to Us? (Surat al-Muminun: 115)

Therefore, each person needs to ponder the purpose of creation, first as it concerns him himself, and then as it pertains to everything he sees in the universe and every event he experiences throughout his life. Someone who does not think, will understand the facts only after he dies, when he gives account before God, but then it will be too late. God says in the Qur'an that on the day of account, everybody will think and see the truth:

That day Hell is produced, that day man will remember; but how will the remembrance help him? He will say, "Oh! If only I had prepared in advance for this life of mine!" (Surat al-Fajr: 23-24)

These are only a few of the beautiful things a person who thinks will gain in the world. The gain in the hereafter of someone who always finds the truth by thinking, is the love, approval, mercy and the paradise of our Lord, which are above everything else.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Morning Has Broken

Morning has broken like the first morning.
Blackbird has spoken like the first bird.
Praise for them singing, praise for the morning.
Praise for them springing, fresh from the world.

Sweet the rain's new fall sunlit from heaven.
Like the first dewall on the first grass.
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden.
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass.

Mine is the sunlight ! Mine is the morning.
Born on the one light Eden saw play !
Praise with elation, praise every morning.
God's recreation of the new day.

~Yusuf Islam (formerly Cat Stevens)~

Friday, September 02, 2005

Mood Swings

I feel a bit guilty to my husband this morning.

This is the story. Yesterday we must be in the social office at 12 pm and we decided to walk coz the place is not far. Actually it only takes half an hour but since we left home at 10.30, we were too early. So we stopped by at the play ground nearby and let my daughter playing around. It really warms my heart to see her running here and there happily with the Teddy in her arm. It made me realize also how lucky I am to have such a beautiful daughter. I feel blessed.


From the social office we had lunch at Josephine CafĂ© then continued walking to the shop to buy some food. After that we walked again to home. So we’ve been walking 3.5 hours and I felt tired and hurt on my legs coz I didn’t wear jogging shoes. At that time I really need to rest a little bit but I couldn’t. I still had many things to do, you know, house works.

Finally after dinner I could rest. The children had slept and there’s no more to be done. So I said to my husband that I will take a shower, do night prayer and go to sleep. He said he will do the same after me. Before going to sleep we used to talk many things while holding each other and he caress my hair softly. I really like that moment especially if I feel so tired and need some comfort. But what did I see after finished having a shower. He sat in front of his portable PC, talking with his friend in Oslo using Skype programme and chatting with a friend in Spain as well. I thought it won’t be long but then after finished talking with his friend in Oslo he started talking with this friend in Spain. So I waited and waited hoping that he will finish soon. But he kept on talking until almost midnight. I felt really upset. 25 minutes before midnight he finished talking at last and took a shower. When he finished taking a shower I just laid down on the sofa. I hope he will ask me to go to bed together but he just walked to the bed and said good night. I wish he knew what I want. I wish he understood me that night. Or maybe I should’ve told him what I want. It really doesn’t matter to me if he spends much time on computer. But sometimes I want him to understand me, to know what I want without me telling him.

Anyway, this morning when I checked my incoming email as usual, I checked my blog as well to see if there’s someone drop some comments on my posts. Then I read it. Apparently my husband dropped a comment on my post titled ‘Happiness’ last night. It brought tears to my eyes when I read it. He said he loves me most of the time. That’s why I feel guilty. If I knew it before I will hold him soon after he woke up this morning. When I wrote this post he has left home for Friday prayer at the mosque. You see, there are lots of things have happened during our marriage, good and bad, but as a matter of fact he still loves me after all. I think I must thank him for loving me no matter what had happened between us. Love you BB.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

What is the Purpose of Life?

They say that a fool lives to eat and a wise man eats to live. But then the question remains: for what purpose does the wise man live? Living is not an end by itself. There has to be a purpose for man to live for. So what is this purpose?

Those are the opening sentences of a small booklet that attract my attention. And after reading it I found that this booklet is a very interesting book to read. It was written by Mostafa Malaekah. Yes, it is a religious book. There are many books that I have read and I want to read. Among them are religious books. Some friends think that I am too fanatic (I do not think so though) only because I wear hijab and talking about religion a lot. And one of them hate me so much and doesn’t want to know me anymore because of that. But what is wrong of being a good muslim. At least I’m trying to.

So let’s go back to the topic. Do you ever think what the purpose of your life is. Since we’re living in the world where all kinds of pleasures and enjoyments are provided, sometimes we forget who we are, what we are, why we are here and what for. So that’s why I think it’s important to read religious books to remind us to keep walking on the right path.

I came not knowing from where, but I came.
And I saw a pathway in front of me, so I walked.
And I will remain walking, whether I want this or not.
How did I come? How did I see my pathway?
I do not know!
Am I new or am I old in this existence?
Am I free and unrestrained, or do I walk in chains?
Do I lead myself in my life, or am I being led?
I wish I know, but …
I do not know!
And my path, oh what is my path? Is it long or is it short?
Am I ascending in it, or am I going down and sinking?
Am I the one who is walking on the road, or is it the road that is moving?
Or are we both standing, but it is the time that is running?
I do not know!
Before I became a full human, do you see
if I were nothing, impossible? Or do you see that I was something?
Is there an answer to this puzzle, or will it remain eternal?
I do not know … and why do I do not know??
I do not know!

So you see, I don’t want to have this feeling of doubt and confusion about the presence of a Creator as written by an Arab Poet, Elya Abu Madhi (a born-Christian) in his Arabic poem Al-Talasim, meaning “puzzle” translated by Mostafa Malaekah.

Anyway, at the end of this booklet, the writer said:
‘So, if a fool lives to eat and a wise man eats to live, then a believer lives to worship Allah’
And I totally agree with him.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Allotment Garden


It’s a place where people can plant flowers, tree, vegetables or anything they like. It is called ‘Kolonihage’ here in Stavanger. For people whose hobby gardening but no place to do that because they live in an apartment can buy a piece of land here. Of course if they can afford it coz the price even for a small land is expensive. They can also build a small house if they want to. It will be very nice to have a cup of tea / coffee or having barbeque or just relaxing here on summer. Near my house there’s a kolonihage which is open for public every Sunday from 12.00 till 16.00 pm. The owners of the land will take turn to sell waffle. The money they earn will be used for the maintenance of this area.



So today, we went there for having some waffles. Actually the weather is not very nice. It’s a bit cold, windy and no sun. But we have nothing to do at home besides my daughter needs to walk and playing outside. She’s very active and has a lot of energy. So we have to make her very tired otherwise she’ll become restless the whole night.

Along the way to the kolonihage my daughter kept talking, screaming, laughing sometimes singing her own song. She’s always happy every time we go out. However on the way back home she refused to walk. And poor my husband he has to carry her. When we just arrived home rain started pouring down. So I said to my husband, what a perfect timing. I can not imagine how cold it will be if we walk in the rain in this kind of weather. Bbbrrrrrr …. dingin bo.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Baby, it's all good!


Author unknown


What do you see when you look at me
Do you see someone limited, or someone free
All some people can do is just look and stare
Simply because they can't see my hair
Others think I am controlled and uneducated
They think that I am limited and un-liberated
They are so thankful that they are not me
Because they would like to remain 'free'

Well free isn't exactly the word I would've used
Describing women who are cheated on and abused
They think that I do not have opinions or voice
They think that being hooded isn't my choice
They think that the hood makes me look caged
That my husband or dad totally outraged
All they can do is look at me in fear
And in my eye there is a tear

Not because I have been stared at or made fun of
But because people are ignoring the One up above
On the day of judgment they will be the fools
Because they were too ashamed to play by their own rules
Maybe the guys won't think I am cutie
But at least I am filled with more inner beauty
See I have declined from being a guy's toy
Because I won't let myself be controlled by a boy

Real men are able to appreciate my mind
And aren't busy looking at my behind
Hooded girls are the ones really helping the Muslim cause
The role that we play definitely deserves applause
I will be recognized because I am smart and bright
And because some people are inspired by my sight
The smart ones are attracted by my tranquillity
In the back of their mind they wish they were me

We have the strength to do what we think is right
Even if it means putting up a life long fight
You see we are not controlled by mini skirt and tight shirt
We are given only respect, and never treated like dirt
So you see, we are the ones that are free and liberated
We are not the ones that are sexually terrorized and violated
We are the ones that are free and pure
We're free of STD's that have no cure

So when people ask you how you feel about the hood
Just sum it up by saying, 'Baby it's all good'



Monday, August 15, 2005

Happiness

Do you know what happiness is? Do you think happiness is if you have much money, big house, expensive car, fancy clothes, lots of jewellery, travel around the world and stay in a luxury hotel or is it if you have all your dreams come true?

When I was a little kid I had a dream of being a teacher in the kinder garden. I thought it must be fun playing with cute kids every day. When I was in a high school my dream changed. I wanted to be a spy or detective or an archaeologist. I thought it must be thrill and full of action as I saw on TV film serial or in the movie. I wanted also to be the stewardesses so I can travel around the world without spending money for buying the flight ticket. Unfortunately I couldn’t be coz I wear glasses. When I was studying in the university I wanted to be a tour leader but my dad didn’t allow me because I’m a woman. He said what if the people I guided was a bad man and he tried to rape me or doing something bad on me. Who’s going to help me. That was his reasons why becoming a tour leader is not a good choice. Then when I finished studying and start working I forgot about my dreams. I just wanted to be a good employee and enjoying the time. Boyfriends come and go. Wait, … I haven’t told you about the man of my dream. I wanted to have a man who loves me only. That the first thing he remembers when he wakes up each morning and the last thing he remembers when he goes to bed at night is me. He must be good looking (at least attractive to me), kind, honest, faith to me, loving, caring, and the most important is he must be a Moslem. He doesn’t have to be rich. As long as we have something to eat everyday, it’s enough for me. I’m not a material girl but to be honest actually I wanted to have my own house when I get married. Small house is okay with a little garden where my children can play.

To make it short, finally I met my husband. He’s not really like the man of my dream and we live in a nice apartment but not belong to us. But I love him and as long as he loves me and no other woman in his heart and mind I’m happy.

I know not all of my dreams come true. So what? I still feel happy coz happiness is something that you cannot buy but it has to be created by yourself.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Food Festival


There is a food festival in Stavanger, Norway every year. Usually it last for 5 days. This year about 70 stands take part in this festival. Many kinds of food we can find here. Not only Norwegian food but also traditional foods from other countries such as Thailand, Mexico, Egypt, Italy, USA, South Africa and Ethiopia because many immigrants from those countries have been living here for years.

So yesterday I went to this festival together with my husband and my two little daughters for lunch. We walked from home coz we live close to town where this festival held. We need a little exercise anyway besides the weather was very nice. It’s summer, sun shining and the sky is blue. We tried food from Ethiopia. The portion was too little but the food was okay.

On the way back home we stopped at small lake. Some people were relaxing under the sun and some children were swimming. Since we didn’t plan to go there so I didn’t bring swim suit for my daughter. I just let her playing water and sand naked. Fortunately there was a small boy who also naked so at least I didn’t feel bad or embarrassing. Finally at 3.30 we went home. We all tired and my daughters felt a sleep soon we got home. It’s a hard day for me and I realize that it’s not easy being a mother. Needs a lot of energy to look after the children and do house works especially without having a maid. But still I’d rather being a mother and a housewife than having a good career and travel around the world but no children. Maybe others prefer the opposite. So, it’s just a matter of choice.

Friday, July 15, 2005

My Mother's Birthday

15 July. She’s 69 years old now and she’s not as strong as she used to be. She’s just back home after staying in the hospital for 3 days. Actually the doctor didn’t allow her to leave the hospital but she insisted coz she missed home and her grandchildren.

My sister told me that my mother cried when she gave her a bracelet for her birthday. She told my sister that she never wear the bracelet anymore for long time. I know that she sold all of her jewellery when we built the house more than 20 years ago. I didn’t give her anything this year. Just congratulate her and wish that she will live a long life. Actually I asked her to come visiting me here before I give birth. She never go abroad and this is like once in her lifetime. Unfortunately she couldn’t come. She’s too weak and her health condition is not good. Besides it’s a long journey for her. 19 hours by plane.

Right now I’m so worry with her condition. She still sick and can not eat. I pray God that I still have a chance to meet her one more time. So, mom, just hang in there.

Monday, July 11, 2005

About Marriage

  • Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
  • ERIC : She’s a lovely girl ... I’d like to marry her, but her family objects.
    ERNIE : Her family ?
    ERIC : Yes, her husband and four kids.
  • A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
  • I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
  • I said to the wife, “Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in this road except one. “And she said, “I’ll bet it’s that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23.”
  • WIFE : Mr. Watt next door blows his wife a kiss every morning as he leaves the house. I wish you’d do that.
    HUSBAND : But I hardly know the woman !

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

by Simon and Garfunkel

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me.
The answer is easy if you take it logically.
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free.
There must be 50 ways to leave your lover.

She said it's really not my habit to intrude.
Furtermore I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued.
So I'll repeat my self, at the risk of being rude.
There must be 50 ways to leave your lover.

Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
Don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
Don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free.

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain.
I wish there was something i could do to make you smile again.
I said, I appreciate that,
And would you please explain about the 50 ways.

She said, why don't we both just sleep on it tonight.
And I believe that in the morning you'll begin to see the light.
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right.
There must be 50 ways to leave your lover.
50 ways to leave your lover...

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Some Kind of Wonderful


When you see an innocent face of a newborn baby, what do you feel? When you see her / him smiling at you, how do you feel? Wonderful, isn’t it? That’s what I feel when my second child was born. She was born on Friday, 24th of June 2005 at 1.45 am. It was very painful to me coz the contraction was very intensive. It took only 1 hour from the first contraction until she was born. But all pains were gone soon I saw her beautiful face looking at me as if she said hello. Welcome to the world my baby. Wish you will be tough enough to face this crazy world.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Being a Woman

It’s not easy being a woman. They must experience many painful periods in their life. First is menstruation. Some women feel hurt when they have menstruation. Second is pregnancy. For 9 months few days they must carry a baby in their stomach. Sometimes they feel so much pain like I do. I feel pain on the right side of my stomach especially to stand up after sitting down or laying in bed. Sometimes I must drag both of my legs to walk. Yesterday I went to the hospital because the head of my baby still up. It supposed to be down after 37 weeks of pregnancy. So they tried to turn her and they succeeded but the pain I feel was unbearable. The last is giving birth. It doesn’t mean that I complain being a woman. Truth is not at all. I’m happy being a woman especially after seeing the face of my baby when she was born. No words can describe the happiness I felt. But sometimes men can’t understand that being a woman is not easy. Many men don’t care and breaks many of women’s heart by cheating, betrayed or having an affair with other woman even though the girlfriend or wife has treated them very well and loyal to them. Anyway, that’s life. And sometimes life is not fair but we must accept it.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Three Virgin Daughters

A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop”. Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "British Airways". Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for British Airways. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted...

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Lazy Sunday

Today I felt very lazy and tired. I lay in my bed most of the time. My daughter played alone in her box. I felt sorry to let her playing alone but I had no energy to play with her. Luckily she was very good today. She didn’t cry, didn’t scream, just playing and talking to her Teddy Bear. She loves her Teddy so much. She also loves her pillow. Can’t sleep without holding it.

My daughter is 1.5 years now. And today for the first time she eats by herself on the table. Yes, she throws some food to the floor but it’s because she can’t hold the spoon properly yet. Besides the spoon little bit too big for her. She’s very smart and I am proud of her. I pray every day that she will become a very good girl when she grows up.

Monday, May 23, 2005

My Daughter


Bella Posted by Hello

Saturday, May 21, 2005

My Mottos

never give up
never surrender
try to do the best I can
and keep the faith